Old & Bitter vs. Old & Better: How to Transform Your Story

The Choice is Yours

Old and bitter or old and better. What’s your choice? I know what you want to choose. Are you ready to do the hard work?

The Bitter Stories

Have you ever looked at someone who has grown old but has not matured? They are selfish, thinking only about themselves, and they keep narrating the same old bitter stories over and over again, to the point where you could quote them verbatim. You wonder why they behave this way.

The Better Stories

On the other side, you see people who are kind, gentle, and loving. They ooze generosity, share lessons of growth, and express gratitude. You can’t help but admire them, spend time with them, and learn from them. I look at these folks and often say, “I want to be like you when I grow up.” You wonder, did people ever hurt them at all? How have they lived for eight decades without bitter stories to share? It’s because, over time, they understood how fallible we humans are. They recognized their failings, examined and re-examined them, and kept doing this until they emerged polished and beautiful. You love to rub shoulders with them because you get polished, too.

Reflecting on Your Stories

Think about the stories you choose to tell. It’s true that people have hurt us, and we’ve gone through pain and agony, some of us harsher than others. It’s true that you shouldn’t have been treated that way. But the flip side is that there are countless blessings you’ve received that you shouldn’t have received. Think about the stranger who stopped to help you when your car broke down, or the friend who cared for you when you were bedridden, and many other things like that. You didn’t serve them in the way they served you. What stories do you recollect often? What stories do you tell?

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.” — Alphonse Karr

My Journey

There was a period in my life when I felt utterly hurt and demoralized. I am ashamed to tell you that I relived that one year for the next decade, counting and recounting what happened. I shared it with people close to me until, one day, I decided to flip the script. The same people who hurt me had also done many beautiful things. I started to narrate those stories. I decided to pull the weeds out of my garden and grow flowers. I have slipped, failed, and fallen into old habits in unguarded moments. But I have picked myself up and asked God to forgive me for reliving that one year over and over again and for missing the many beautiful presents that were presented to me.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” — Lewis B. Smedes

Your Turn: Reflect and Renew

What about you? What stories do you retell and relive? Are you taking time to reflect and renew yourself, or are you camping in the unhealthy phase for years, even though you no longer deal with those people or things anymore? Those who ignore the lessons of the past are likely to repeat them.

• Examine
• Look for Patterns
• Ask a Friend
• Get Better, Not Bitter

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” — Socrates