As we wind down 2022, I thought I would take this time to read a book that talks about goal setting. Over the years I have read many books on this topic, and I must admit that this book lived up to its expectations. I learnt a lot and here is the summary.
The author starts with the story of an accomplished runner Heather Kampf who was in second place and was about to take first place. Just when she was making a move to pass, she falls. It was a hard fall, and the spectators knew she had no hope of catching up and had lost her lead.
So often our new year’s resolution is like this, we start out strong making huge strides gathering momentum as we go. But before we know we have a face plant. Instead of leading the pack, we are now last in the pack. When Kampf hit the ground, she could have stayed down. She could have said it’s game over. Instead, she leapt up as fast as she fell and continued the race. To the amazement of the announcer, she passed one runner then another and then finally her own teammate and went on to win the first place. Kampf’s story provides a powerful picture of what can happen when we stay in the game and keep pushing. Maybe this is not your story, unlike Kampf, you’re at the end of the pack and can’t see a way to regain lost ground or reach your goals. Hang tight.
Take a Life score. Life is multifaceted and it consists of 10 interrelated domains.
- Spiritual
- Intellectual
- Emotional
- Physical
- Marital
- Parental
- Social
- Vocational
- Avocational
- Finance
The author wants you take an evaluation of where you stand in your life’s domains. The test would take about 10 mins. Don’t get discouraged after taking the assessment. It’s truly possible to make this year the best year ever, even in those areas where you’ve suffered serious setbacks.
The Life score Assessment Link: BestYearEver.me/lifescore
Step 1 – Believe the Possibility
Your Beliefs Shape Your Reality
“What happens is of little significance compared with the stories we tell ourselves about what happens.”
Rabih Alameddine
The author shares a story about his dog Nelson. Whenever the front door was open, the dog bolted out. They then got an invisible fence to protect the dog from getting hit by a car. When the dog approached the boundary, his electric collar delivered a vibration. The dog quickly learned where the line was and would never attempt to cross the line. Even when he didn’t have his electric collar he still stayed before the fence to avoid the vibration. For Nelson the barrier has now moved from the external world to his head. We are like Nelson, in the past we have been zapped once, twice or several times. We then stop trying and we stand back and do nothing. Even when there are no actual barriers the one in our head is strong enough to keep us stuck.
The Power of Beliefs Our beliefs play a massive part in how we approach life. We tend to experience what we expect. What we believe becomes this self-fulfilling prophesy also called Oedipus effect after the mythic hero whose life fulfilled a tragic prophesy. Our expectations shape our outcome and reality.
The Problem with Doubts The greater the number of setbacks we’ve experienced in life, the less likely we are to believe we can prevail. Doubt is a goal toxin. Most of us have a long history of not getting what we want, out of life. So, we try to shield ourselves from future disappointments by being cynical and by not trying so we won’t fail.
Some Beliefs Hold You Back
“How little we see! What we do see depends mainly on what we look for.”
Sir John Lubbock
| Scarcity Thinking | Abundance Thinking |
| Leads to failure, fear, and discontent Entitled people They believe there isn’t enough. Are stingy & don’t like to share their resources Pessimistic See challenges as obstacles. Resents competition believing it makes the pie smaller. Think small Avoid risk | Leads to success joy & fulfillment. Thankful people They believe there is always more. Are generous & are happy to share their resources. Optimistic See challenges as opportunities. Welcomes competition believing it makes the pie bigger. Think big Takes risk |
Confront your Limiting Beliefs Achieving our goals starts by understanding the limiting beliefs in our thinking. We all have limiting beliefs about the world, others & ourselves. Limiting beliefs aren’t truths necessarily. These beliefs are often false, half-truths at best. Limiting beliefs are just beliefs we let influence us and will roadblock any progress we want to make in our lives.
- Limiting Beliefs about the World
- I can’t start a business now. The markets are down.
- I don’t trust the management; they are always trying to cheat us.
- Limiting Beliefs about Others
- It’s no use asking, he’s too busy to meet with me.
- She’s just a ticket counter, what could she possibly know.
- Limiting Beliefs about Ourselves
- I am a quitter.
- I never finish what I start.
- I am always late.
- I am just not the creative kind.
- I’ve always been terrible with money.
How do you know if you’re falling into the trap of limiting beliefs?
- Black & White Thinking – We assume we have failed because we don’t achieve perfection. Reality is a sliding scale and not a toggle switch.
- Personalization – We blame ourselves for random negative occurrences.
- Catastrophizing – We assume the worst.
- Universalizing – We take a bad experience and assume it’s true across the board.
Where do your limiting beliefs come from?
- They come from pervious failures or setbacks.
- Social media/news media.
- Relationships – When we hang around people with a scarcity mindset, we see the world from their perspective. Look around the people in your circle and see if you need to intentionally move from the scarcity mindset people to the abundance mindset people so you can view the world in a positive light.
You can Upgrade your Beliefs – From Limiting Beliefs to Liberating Truths
“Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion.”
Mohammad Ali
- Recognize the limiting belief – What beliefs are holding you back?
- Record the limiting belief – Write it down.
- Review the limiting belief – Is it enabling you to accomplish your goals or is it preventing you from doing so?
- Reject/Reframe the belief – When we obsess on what’s wrong, we miss what’s right.
- Revise the belief – Reorient your thinking – Instead of saying I am too old to be considered for the job opportunity you might say, I have more experience than other candidates; Instead of saying I am too young for the job say, I’ve got more energy and enthusiasm than other candidates.
- Reorient yourself to the new belief – Start living from the perspective of this new liberating truth.
Step 2 – Complete the PAST
We all know people who are stuck in the same kind of rut, don’t we? It probably includes us. It’s easy to notice someone else doing it. After limiting beliefs, the next most common barrier we encounter is the past. We tow it around like a trailer full of broken furniture. We are too tied to the past. Thinking backward is a must.
After – Action Review – This helps with setbacks and frustrations and not for serious trauma.
4 Stages of After – Action Review
- What you wanted to happen?
- Your plan for the past year in all areas. State your hopes, dreams, and unstated expectations.
- What actually happened?
- What disappointments/regrets did I experience this past year?
- What did you accomplish this past year that you are most proud of?
- Notice the specific recurring themes (E.g. Your theme could be making difficult decisions in a challenging year; Stepping out and starting a new business; Restoring a damaged relationship)
- Learn from the experience
- What were the major life lessons learnt this past year? “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Santayana
- Adjust your Behaviour
- Remember some of our greatest disappointments may lead us to our greatest possibilities for the new year.
We need to harness the power of backward thinking for ourselves. Why?
Whatever we have experienced in the past, must be addressed. If we ignore it, it’s just going to come back to bite us. Sometimes we live inside unhelpful stories we tell ourselves. We nurse grievances to justify our current actions. We feel unvalued because we were slighted or disregarded in some way. We need to get resolution for the past or we’ll drag it into the future.
Regret reveals opportunities
If you have no regrets or you intentionally set out to live without regrets, then you’re missing the value of regret. If you’re a human and still breathing, you probably can think of one way you haven’t measured up. You probably could think of not just one way but dozens of ways, maybe even hundreds.
The delta between I am a screw up and I screwed up, may look small but in fact it’s huge. When we say, “I am a screw up,” there is no hope for improvement but when we say, “I screwed up” then we are in a position not only to repair the present breach but also to prevent it from occurring again.
We’re all fallible, so if you believe, “I am a failure,” you’ll never run out of proof. Every new instance would further cement the story you tell yourself. Remember, you experience what you expect. On the other hand, if you believed, “I failed,” you can begin evaluating what’s missing in your performance and take corrective action. It is the act, not the identity that’s at stake.
Use your life score as a road sign and not a roadblock. In which area did you score the least? Look at it as a road sign pointing the way forward. The only people with no hope are those with no regrets.
Gratitude – Life becomes rich with gratitude
Look at your past through the lens of gratitude. It has the potential to amplify everything good in your life.
- Gratitude involves us giving thanks for what others have done for us.
- Gratitude keeps us positive & optimistic.
- Gratitude improves our patience. A lot of times we take the easy way out because we’re impatient. Achieving big goals takes time and effort. We’re apt to cut corners or bail when we face difficulties. Gratitude can keep us in the game.
- Gratitude moves us into a place of abundance. A place when we are more resourceful, creative, generous, optimistic, and kind. When we are operating from a place of scarcity, we are likely to be reactionary, close minded, tight-fisted, gloomy and even mean, when we have gratitude we feel better, perform better and respond to life’s ups and downs better.
Step 3: Design your Future
Set goals using the SMARTER acronym. It’s very important to write down your goals as well. It brings clarity and it also motivates us to take the next steps to achieve the goals we set out to do. Establishing your priorities upfront equips you to avoid “Shiny object syndrome”. It helps you to see and celebrate your progress.
- S – Specific – Read two books a month
- M – Measurable. E.g., Finish writing “Book name”
- A – Actionable – Walk 30 mins
- R – Risky – Run a half marathon. (If you have run 10 kms push yourself to run a half marathon).
- T – Time-Keyed E.g., Exercise 4 times a week at 6 am.
- E – Exciting – See if the goal inspires you? Is it fun?
- R – Relevant – Are you an empty nester? Are you a working parent with young kids? Based on the season of your life set goals.
| Spiritual Set aside 15 mins in the morning, 6 days a week for reading and prayer starting Jan 1st.Meditate for 30 minutes each day 4 days a week starting Feb 1st Journal at least 5 minutes at the end of each day. | Intellectual Read 2 books per month starting in JanuarySelect 2 conferences to attend and register by February 15th Buy foreign language program and learn Spanish by November 1st |
| Emotional Get back to gardening this spring – tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, squash and herbs in the ground by April 15th Research and find a therapist/counselor and start regular monthly sessions by March 1st. Organize and redecorate my office by Feb 15th | Physical Replace fast food lunch with healthy meals from home each weekday.Run 30 minutes each day, 4 days a week at 6:30 amChoose a regular bedtime and get 8 hours of sleep per night for the next 90 days starting Jan 1st |
| Marital Create a date night profile on Netflix and identify 20 movies for a weekly date beginning in May.Plan 2 regular dates each month and get them on the calendar by Jan 15th Pick 3 errands or tasks my spouse regularly does but doesn’t enjoy. Do one each week for him/her beginning April 1st. | Parental Leave the office by 5 pm to have enough time for dinner and games with the kids starting in January.Have the kids brainstorm 25 meals. Cook at least 1 each weekend beginning in February.Set aside 7 vacation days to spend with family at their favourite location. Schedule by March 15th |
| Social Join an athletic club/training group to meet new people by February 1st Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity on a local build by July 1st Take a painting/wine-tasting class to meet new people by August 1st | Vocational Launch new product by March 30thAdd 5000 email subscribers to database by June 15thQuit job and launch new business by October 1st |
| Avocational Volunteer for the City Mission beginning in MarchVisit 2 new restaurants each month. Make a list by January 30th Research 12 of the best action movies/comedies ever filmed and watch 1 each month beginning January | Financial Pay off remainder of car loan in the amount of $8000 by August 25thReduce eating out to 1 meal each week beginning January 1stPay down $5000 in credit card debt by May 1st |
Achievements Goals & Habits Goals Work Together
- Achievement goals – These are one time accomplishment goals.Running a marathon by August 1st; Pay off credit card debts by end of year; Read 50 books a year
- Habit Goals Are focussed on regular ongoing activity. They have a start date, frequency, time trigger and streak target) E.g., Monthly coffee date with a friend; Exercise everyday; Read 1 hr each evening at 8 pm.
Risk is your friend – Set goals in your DISCOMFORT zone
How can you confirm that you have set the right goals?
- Comfort Zone – The problem with us is, we think if we have every comfort available to us, we would be happy. We equate comfort with happiness. Now, there are no struggles in our lives, there is no sense of adventure, and we are so comfortable that we are miserable.
- Discomfort Zone – Discomfort is the catalyst for growth. It makes us yearn for something more. It forces us to change, stretch and adapt. When you push yourself to grow, you’ll experience discomfort. You’ll know you’re there when you start feeling emotions like fear, uncertainty, and doubt.
- Delusional Zone – These are just crazy goals. If you have never run and if you sign up to run a marathon, then that could be a delusional goal.
Step 4: Find Your Why
Your why would give you the drive and the stamina to finish. When the going gets tough, when you are in the messy middle your ‘why’ helps you persevere.
Everybody looks good at the starting line. Starting is simple. As you make progress the hill gets steeper, the road gets longer, you are not sure you have what it takes, to finish. The truth is anything worth doing isn’t all fun; It’s almost never fast and it certainly isn’t easy.
Our expectations shape our experience
“If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.”
G. K. Chesterton
Identify your Why – Why am I doing this in the first place?
- What’s at stake if you achieve it? (Identify your key motivation)
- What’s at stake if you don’t achieve it?
Write down your key motivations for each area or goal and connect with them not just with your head but also with your heart. You can start off by writing whatever comes to your mind. Then prioritize them. Keep the top 3 attached to your goal.
“People lose their way, when they lose their why.”
Mastering your Motivation is the key for developing the necessary persistence to make it through the messy middle.
- Find the right reward – Sometimes the activity itself will become the reward. You take pride in what you do. You get pleasure from your friend’s complements and your sense of identity changes.
- Be realistic about the commitment – Mastering a new habit takes time. Be patient and set your expectations accordingly.
- Gamify the process – Track your streaks. Jerry Seinfeld used the calendar chain system, to build his writing habit. He marked the calendar with an X when he wrote a joke. After a few days there was a chain. When you keep at it the chain will grow longer and longer. Your only job is not to break the chain.
- Measure your gains – When we set big, challenging goals it’s easy to see how far the finish line is and lose enthusiasm. A goal like pay off your mortgage or write a book can be a daunting task. For instances like this measure the gain not the gap. Set milestones. It helps break up the big goals into manageable chunks.
- Build your team – Life’s journey is better with friends. The right people can help you achieve your goals. Surround yourselves with abundance thinkers, you’ll gain access to encouragement, emotional, material support, solutions, insights and more. Also join a group like an online community, running and exercise groups, masterminds, coaching or mentoring circles, reading or study groups, accountability groups and close friendships.
Step 5 : Make it happen
Take Action – I meet people who spend all their time in research and learning but they don’t start. Here are some simple tips to get you started. Break down big goals
- Do the easiest task first (E.g. If you are to write a book, start with the title page, dedication, table of contents, the easiest chapter…)
- Get some quick wins. It’ll boost your mood (Your brain releases dopamine when you achieve goals. Dopamine improves attention, memory, and motivation even when it’s a small goal)
- Set goals in your discomfort zone. Big goals can feel daunting. Break it into a series of smaller steps and keep it in your comfort zone.
Scottish mountain climber W.H. Murray puts it this way: “Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creativity, there is one elementary truth… that the moment one commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”
Utilize Activation Triggers – Activation triggers lock in our decisions to advance.
Phase I – Brainstorm the Best Activation Triggers
- Program the lights in your office to turn off automatically at 6 pm so you can quit working and head home.
- Ask your assistant to get dinner reservations in advance so you just follow through on your weekly date commitment.
- Hire a fitness trainer to work with you on strength training so you follow through on your fitness goals.
Phase II – Optimize your Activation Triggers – Use the Elimination, Automation, & Delegation Method:
- Eliminate – All the junk food from your house, so you are not tempted to reach for it when you are tired.
- Automate – The lights to go off in your office at 6 pm so it’s a trigger to leave.
- Delegate – Dinner reservations in advance to your assistant so you can work on your marriage.
Phase III – Anticipate obstacles and determine your response
E.g., If your goal is to leave office promptly at 6pm then don’t take any calls after 5:45 pm. If you must attend a meeting after 5 pm tell the organizer you have to leave the meeting by 5:55 pm.
Phase IV – Experiment until you nail it
This is the key to success. You’re going to experience setbacks. Don’t give up on your goal just change your approach.
Visibility is Essential – Out of sight out of mind – Schedule Regular Goal Reviews:
Daily Review – One of the main challenges we face with reaching our goals is losing track of them. We get distracted and sidetracked by life, and they slip out of focus. A regular goal review process can fix that problem. Identify the daily big 3 items.
Weekly Review – Review your goals and why you are doing them. This is a bit deeper, and it takes a bit longer to do. When we’re reviewing our rationale week in and week out, the reasons become so internalized we know what’s at stake. Also plan on what needs to be accomplished for the upcoming week. The weekly big 3.
Quarterly Review – Rejoice on the wins for the quarter. Celebrating your wins validates your work. Recommit on the goals that are yet to be achieved. Revise your goals if you need to. Remove the ones that no longer make sense. Replace them if you need to.
Yearly Review – Identify your limiting beliefs; Look back and see what went well and what went wrong. Looks for themes. Be grateful for the people and goals you achieved for the year. Celebrate your wins. Write down new goals for the new year and why you would like to do it.
The Law of Diminishing Intent – It states that the longer you wait to take action, the less likely you will be to take it.
NEVER LEAVE THE SCENE OF CLARIY WITHOUT TAKING DECISIVE ACTION. Waiting feels safe but waiting kills dreams.
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