Effective Communication: Why Your Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Who here wants to be an effective communicator?

I can see so many raised hands, even through this blog. Why do we want to be effective? We want to get our message across. We want to be understood. We spend hours crafting this skill, but did you know that communication begins before you even utter a word? You could say nothing and still communicate effectively. How, you may wonder? Keep reading, and I will explain.

One of the quotes my dad often repeated as I was growing up was: “Who you are speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” He had no tolerance for hypocrisy. Although it’s easy to point fingers, I know how hard it is not to lead a hypocritical life. My dad always expected consistency between actions and words from me and others. If your actions didn’t line up with your words, you were called out.

When I got married and had kids, I realized early on that they were watching me more intently on what I did than listening to what I said. It seemed they were deaf to my words but could hear loud and clear when it was demonstrated with actions. If I exaggerated or downplayed things, they called me out. I soon realized that my words meant little to them—what mattered most was what I did. If I asked them to read the Bible, they’d wonder why she didn’t read hers. She says it’s important,  yet we don’t see her reading it regularly. It became clear that I could say whatever I wanted, but I couldn’t expect change unless my actions aligned with my words. People, especially those close to me who have a front-row seat to my life, didn’t just hear what I said—they watched what I did. They then decided what was truly important to me based on the actions I took, not based on the words I uttered.

So why am I telling you this? Because what you do matters more than what you say. Actions speak louder than words.

Your most effective message is the one you live.

To be an effective communicator, you need to master three things—not with words, but with actions.

Here are three ways to stay in line with the message you believe in your heart:

1. Be Consistent

Don’t do something sporadically and then claim it’s important to you. If you say family is important, check your calendar. How much time have you spent connecting with them? If your efforts are few and far between, your loved ones won’t believe family is a priority for you. Your actions reveal your true values.

If you say you enjoy reading and personal growth but have yet to invest time in learning, you show that personal development isn’t a priority. If you say you are a hard worker but avoid challenging tasks and blame others when things don’t go how they should, you’re not sincere—you’re making excuses.

I know this because I’ve been there. I have made New Year’s resolutions every year. I hang tight for a week or two and life quickly derails me off the path and the promise I made to myself dwindles and dissolves into thin air. Year after year, I promised things would be different this year, yet my actions told a different story.

Here are some common excuses we make:

• I’m too tired.
• I don’t feel like it today.
• I don’t have time today.
• I’ll do it tomorrow.
• I don’t have the money or resources.
• It’s too hot or too cold.

Most people succeed not because of extraordinary talent but because of exceptional discipline.

Next time you say something to your children, spouse, or a friend, see how you live it in your life. If you are in alignment, give yourself a pat on the back. If not, take small steps and get behind the principle you are sharing. Remember, the most effective message is the one you live.

Success isn’t about taking giant leaps—it’s about taking small, steady steps in the right direction.

Your actions are your loudest voice.

2. Be Competent

We all have individual gifts and talents. Invest in yours and multiply them. What areas of knowledge do you excel in? What are your strengths? What do you enjoy doing? Take stock of your abilities and share your gifting with others. Whether it’s tennis, chess, mathematics, or birdwatching—find your passion and build on it. As you grow in these areas, your competence increases, and you become more credible when speaking on that subject.

If I have never played ice hockey and I decide to talk about “How to Play Ice Hockey,” who do you think would be my audience? If you said no one, you are right. I know nothing of the game. I haven’t played the sport, I don’t watch the sport, and, worst of all, I don’t even know how to skate. So what could I possibly say on this topic when I have invested nothing in it?

When I say be competent, I mean not by getting a certification and gaining theoretical knowledge of it but also by applying its principles in your day-to-day life. Knowing it practically is more important than knowing it theoretically. When you do that, you’ve become a competent person, and your competence will speak for you.

Don’t rush to lead. Prepare, develop, and build yourself first.

3. Be Transparent

Don’t try to be perfect. Each one is carrying their fair share of challenges themselves. You are not alone in your struggles, challenges and hardships. You have a tribe of people who are either going through some challenge now or just came out of a season of challenge or will soon enter into the season of challenge. You don’t have to announce your struggles, but when the opportunity presents itself, and it’s appropriate for that person’s need, it’s good to share your journey and share where you failed and where you succeeded to give them hope. People will connect more with your failures than with your successes. When you’re honest about your journey and how you’ve been knocked down, people relate—and they see you as someone who can help them.

As Craig Groeschel says,

People would rather follow a leader who is always real than one who is always right.

One of the leaders I have admired the most in history is Abraham Lincoln. He led the nation through one of its most turbulent times. Lincoln was often candid with both his supporters and critics. He would openly discuss the challenges he faced, including the mistakes him and his administration made. For instance, Lincoln wrote letters during the war reflecting his thought process, acknowledging when military decisions didn’t go as planned and confessing his judgments may have been flawed. This transparency built trust among his constituents, even when they disagreed with his policies. Lincoln’s honesty, vulnerability, and openness in his communication left a legacy of transparent leadership that many still admire today.

Communicating is vital to connecting with others, but the most effective communication is the life you live, not the words you speak.

What small steps can you take today to improve your communication skills? You can adopt a habit and start building consistency around it, be transparent and share your struggles, or master a skill and become competent. Remember, your most effective message is the one you live.

The ideas in the blog come from Chapter 1 of The 16 Undeniable Laws of Communication. I reflected on it and have personalized it. Feel free to grab the book and delve deep into this book.