The Art of Saying the Right Things at the Right Time

Mastering Practical Intelligence:

Growing up, I always admired people with analytical skills. I wasn’t the smartest in my class, and for some reason, I didn’t prioritize my studies as I should have. However, when my classmates got good grades—whether by memorizing things easily or being naturally good at academics—I was fascinated. Analytical intelligence seemed to be a ticket to success, leading to promising job opportunities for my friends.

Yet, I felt lacking in these skills. For years, I believed I wasn’t smart. It wasn’t until I moved to Canada that I began hearing “smart” described in two ways: book smart and street smart. The latter intrigued me—what did it mean? Street smart, I learned, refers to those who can navigate social situations adeptly, saying the right things to the right person at the right time.

My youngest son naturally possessed this skill. If he needed permission for something, he knew exactly when to ask and how to present his request. In a few minutes, he would seal the deal, and I wouldn’t even realize I had said yes. In contrast, his older brother often got into trouble for asking me the same things. I was flabbergasted by my younger son’s success, and I started taking notes on when he approached me, how he approached me, and when I succumbed to his requests. I noticed that if the timing wasn’t right, he was willing to wait for the perfect moment. He knew what to say and what not to say. I shared these insights with my oldest son, explaining how his brother’s approach worked and suggesting he try the same strategy.

I soon realized that effective communication isn’t just about street smarts—it’s about a combination of skills, including emotional intelligence (EQ) and practical intelligence, as Robert Sternberg calls it. This “practical intelligence” encompasses knowing what to communicate, when to communicate, and how to communicate effectively.

Knowing What to Say: 

Understanding the appropriate message for different individuals or situations ensures effective communication. When dealing with people, don’t use the one-size-fits-all approach; instead, tailor your message based on the audience.

For instance, imagine you have a colleague who is very detail-oriented. When discussing a project with them, provide as much data as possible to support your case. This helps you align and be attuned to their communication preference. Conversely, if a colleague prefers a more concise approach, give the information in bullet (key) points. Avoid overwhelming them with unnecessary details. 

Knowing When to Say: 

Timing is crucial in communication. Recognizing the opportune moment to convey your message can significantly impact its reception. The same request can have different outcomes depending on when it’s made. Avoid asking when the other person is busy or tired. Optimal moments should be identified, considering the recipient’s state of mind and receptivity. Make your request when the person is fresh and relaxed. Timing can significantly influence the response you receive.

For example, suppose you have an idea for a new project, but your manager is busy preparing for a presentation. Waiting until after the presentation, when your manager is more relaxed and open to new ideas, increases the likelihood of your proposal to be accepted. 

Knowing How to Say: 

Adopting the right tone, language, and delivery method enhances the effectiveness of your communication, ensuring that your message is conveyed clearly and convincingly. It’s important to keep your eye on the objective and stay focused on the goal, avoiding unnecessary detours in your communication. This involves being clear, exuding confidence, and being concise.

For instance, when providing constructive feedback to a team member, using a supportive and encouraging tone can motivate positive change. Instead of starting with criticism, acknowledge their strengths and emphasize their value as a team member. Frame your feedback as areas for improvement to inspire and encourage them.

Conclusion: 

Focusing on these strategies can enhance your ability to communicate effectively. This ensures that you say the right things to the right people at the right time, improving personal and professional interactions.

Effective communication is like a gentle breeze on a summer’s day, calming yet invigorating, leaving you refreshed and inspired.